Question: I have a very intelligent second grader who is involved in many after school lessons: piano, guitar, art, tennis, gymnastics and occasionally golf. We started with piano lessons and soccer. Then one by one, the other lessons were added at his request. However, I'm concerned about "over doing it". I do not want him to get burned out and lose interest in all activities. We are also worried that he will be mediocre in the activities versus excelling in one activity. How do we know when there is just too much going on?

Answer: It sounds as though your son really enjoys learning about sports and music! This is wonderful, and hopefully he is learning skills that will last him a lifetime. However, where do you draw the line? Certainly it's a personal decision, but here are few ideas to consider: One of the biggest challenges for us as parents is teaching our kids how to limit themselves when they find something enjoyable. It could be food (ice cream, cookies and candy), or the media (TV, computer, and video games), or even extracurricular activities, as you have mentioned. As parents, we have to set the limits for our kids until they develop the emotional and cognitive maturity to do this for themselves. So, we limit the amount of sweets they eat, the amount of TV time they have, and in this case, the number of extracurricular activities they pursue. Even though he is a bright child, your second grader is not yet old enough to have adequate judgment and self-control for self-limiting behavior. He only knows that it's fun to take lessons and try lots of things.

The adage "moderation in all things" has stuck around for centuries because it makes sense. Eating too much makes you gain weight; too much sleep makes you more tired; too many activities can mean less time for other things. For instance, between school and sports/music lessons, when does your son have time to play with friends? Do his homework? Relax? Daydream?

It has been suggested the busy schedules may lead to an increase in stress in young children. Read this interesting article on this very issue: Are We Stressing Out Our Kids?

So, what to do? Consider telling your son that while you're proud of all his interests and talents, you want him to have some "regular kid time," as well. Have him choose one musical instrument and one sport (per season) on which to focus. Then, stick to it. Eventually he will settle on some distinct preferences, and you can go on from there.

Dr. Stacie Bunning, is a licensed clinical psychologist in the St. Louis, Missouri, area. She has worked with children, adolescents and their families in a variety of clinical settings for 20 years. She also teaches courses in child psychology, adolescent psychology and human development through the lifespan at Maryville University in St. Louis.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

May 2008