How Can I Get My Child to Stop Lying?
Ask the Experts: My first-grader lies, boldly and deliberately. What can I do to help her stop?
By Dr. Lisa Hunter, Child Psychologist
Question: How does one get a child to stop telling lies, for example denying she took something from someone else, and just boldly
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lying about it?

It's so difficult when one doesn't have actual proof but knows from past experience the child is deliberately lying, and one only wishes she didn't find this necessary. I know it's hard for one to admit to the truth, especially after lying about it, but this needs to be straightened out.

Answer: Lying is a fairly common behavior in first-grade children. Children at this age may lie to get something they want, avoid punishment, protect their friends or get attention.

To help your daughter, it is important to determine what may be motivating her to lie. I would recommend closely observing your daughter's lying to see if it follows any pattern. If you determine that she is lying for a specific reason, you can then address that reason and hopefully, the lying will stop. For example, if she is lying because she wants things that her friends or siblings have, you could develop a plan that allows her to earn what she wants by demonstrating good behavior.

In addition to determining the underlying cause of your daughter's lying, it is important to talk to her about the importance of telling the truth, model being truthful in your home and have consistent consequences when she does lie. Try not to make your daughter feel guilty or ashamed when she does lie. You do not want to make her feel like she is a bad person because she lies. Rather, your goal is to help her figure out how she can get her needs met without lying.

For more information on lying in children check out Lying by the Center for Effective Parenting.

Dr. Lisa Hunter is an assistant professor in the department of child psychiatry at Columbia University and the director of school-based mental health programs at Columbia University's Center for the Advancement of Children's Mental Health. Her research focuses on the development, implementation, and evaluation of school-based mental health and prevention programs. In addition she is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. She specializes in cognitive behavioral treatment for children and adolescents.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

November 2006

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Comments From GreatSchools.net Users
08/6/2007:
"this is crap! My sister was raised on this theory and her stealing and lying cost my parents, my self and my brothers thousands of dollars and produced a young lady that cannot be trusted by her words or actions. My sister is and adult that still can't be trusted and has been fired from numerious jobs for stealing and lying. What I really fear is that my 12 year old daughter has the same traits as my sister. I don't know how to prevent my own daughter from turning out like my sister. She is 12, has no remorse or feeling of guilt and never apologizes for any wrong or pain that she has causes to others, espicially lying or stealing. This is not the daughter i raised. My 8 year old son is just the oposite, He asks permisson, speaks with proper respectect and never takes without asking. I love my daughter, but am calling the police if she does it again. she needs to know firmly that stealing is wrong and the legal punishment that goes along with it. I'm looking for answer and direction but haven't found anything yet."
11/21/2006:
"I found this article to be very informative with relation to my first grade daughter. The article couldn't have come at a more opportune time! She just spent her weekend on punishment for lying 5 days straight! For what I thought was no reason, until I read your article. I will now try to observe a pattern and counter the lying. My child is a good child and I don't want to make her feel bad about lying - so, thank you for your article!"
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