Why Does My Son Misbehave in Class? - California

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Why Does My Son Misbehave in Class?

Ask the Experts: My first-grader has trouble listening and following directions in class.

By Dr. Joseph Gianesin, Behavioral Consultant

Question: My son is having problems in the classroom. He is not listening, playing instead of working and not following

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If your first-grader has an academic or school-related behavior problem you would like help solving, send it to myfirstgrader@greatschools.net.

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directions. The teacher tells me that it has to do with this age. He is the youngest in the class and he has not matured yet for his age.

He is always getting his name on the board and coming home with notes from the teacher regarding his behavior. My husband and I have tried to reward him when he does not get his name on the board and/or bring notes home from teachers.

So far it has only worked once for a week and then he went back to having his name on the board. We also enrolled him in karate and hoped that he would learn some discipline, respect and communication. So far it doesn't look like it's working. He has expressed that he doesn't want to go to karate anymore and cries every time we go. My husband and I are not sure if we should keep him in karate to learn character traits or try another sport. I would like to know how we can resolve these issues.

Answer: Your son's problems in the classroom are not unusual. Boys are usually developmentally behind their female counterparts by almost two years in the areas the school requires them to excel. These happen to be sitting still, listening for long periods of time and performing fine motor skills such as writing with a pencil. According to Michael Gurian, author of Girls Learn Differently than Boys: "Research shows us that boys' brains are 'wired' in such a way that language is a more difficult skill for them to acquire and use effectively in learning than it is for girls." Boys have their own strengths at this age that include gross motor skill development and tactile development.

In short, your son still needs time to mature and develop. This is not unusual and experienced teachers know this. Don't stop with the reward system you set up. Make sure the reward is something he wants to work for. Bonding with your child through rewards of time spent with him is extremely important.

As far as karate classes, each child has his or her own preferences. If he is unhappy there, then try something else. As young as he is, you don't know the areas or interests he will gravitate toward. That is done through trial and error, and through observation and communication.

I do require the child to give the activity a chance though because there is a learning curve to every new skill. If he is still unhappy after the designated time of giving it a fair shake, then take him out of it. Being the father of two boys, I know both had entirely different interests. One was very interested in books and creative ideas, while the other was very sports-oriented and enrolled in hockey, track and wrestling.

Dr. Joseph Gianesin is a professor at Springfield College School of Social Work and a program and behavioral consultant for public schools in Massachusetts. He has more than 25 years of experience as a child and family therapist, a school social worker and a school administrator.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

May 2007

Comments From GreatSchools.net Users

02/19/2008:

"my son is misbehaving in his school and home. He started telling lies and using his teachers signature of his own. And telling that is his teacher sign.Also he hide his martsheet and test papaers so that parents cannot see his mark. i am so worried about my son please help me about this problem."

01/30/2008:

"Add me to the list here. I have a 6 and half year old boy in first grade. The first nine weeks he was very well behaved but starting in November he started misbehaving. He has hard time following directions and can be silly when he shouldn't be (and he talks to much). His teacher says he's a sweet kid who is helpful and respectful but just needs more direction. I know he's a bit bored (he reads on at least a 5th grade level and he does excellent in math) and doesn't sometimes see the 'point' to what he's asked to do. We stress to him that it doesn't matter whether he sees the point he still needs to do the work. If we get a 'bad' note from his teacher he loses nintendo and/or computer games (which he only plays 30 minutes anyway). It doesn't seem to help a whole lot. He'll have a number of good days and then a few bad days. He has expressed that he doesn't know what to do and that he feels terrible about it. His teacher has not mentioned ADHD or anything, and seems to unders! tand that boys are more squirmy and such. We are going to homeschool him next year with K12 so he can grow out of this in a different environment. I have no doubt he'll grow out of it (like 2 of my nephews) and I don't want him pegged as a troublemaker or to feel like that is who he is. "

01/10/2008:

"I was relieved when I read your email. I have a 7 year old who acts up at school and home. I came across your letter after looking on the internet, because, once again, he is having issues, and the teacher phoned to talk about it. It can be so frustrating and worrisome. I too, just hope within time these behaviors will change. He doesn't do anything horrible, just seems to get himself into trouble. Some of the trouble is because he is too nice - wants to buy candy for his friends at school, wants to talk during quiet time. Just hang in there. Hope it helps to know there are others out there dealing with the same issue. I know that helps me cope with it all. "

01/7/2008:

"this has been very helpfull, I Have a 6 year old son and we are excatly getting the same complains fm his school, We have just arraived in USA Fm India, and we also feel that coz he already knows what they are teaching at his level in Schools here he has a lot of time to idle and hence this behavior, It would be very helpfull if u could give yr views on this to. thanks once again"

12/7/2007:

"I am a mother of two, my son is almost five and i am going through similar problems. I am getting him enrolled in a Montesori School, hoping it will help. Someone told me a music class might be better than KArate, because i was thinking of enrolling him in a karate class too. "

09/26/2007:

"I am having the same problems with my child as described above. He is very intelligent and he is only 5 years old and can read Dr. Suess books to me, with some assistance. I feel that his teacher does not understand the maturity level of a 5 years. She has sent home notes about the whole class being bad. Should I take him out of this class. His bad behavior is escallating. He has stabbed another child with a pencil two different times now. "

05/31/2007:

"Thank you for the input from the mom who responded on May 30th. I wish I had a great kindergarten teacher for my daughter like you have had for your son. Instead all we ever get is that my daughter is too young & should not go to 1st grade, instead the transition class. We have had the same type problems you seem to have had. If my daughter gets bored that's probably the biggest problem. She is very smart which her teacher tells us but just not mature enough to go to 1st grade. Anyway, thanks again, best of luck to you too!"

05/30/2007:

"Thank GOD you said what you said; eventhough school is over, I had a almost daily problem with my son back in K with the same thing (incl. throwing himself in the floor tantrums) and less in 1st--almost 360 degrees. He is a young age every year (June child) and the teacher took this in consideration both years--esp. the K., she was my angel and I will never forget what she did for my family. I need to read about situations like this because it lets me know I'm doing the best I can and boys are/seem more complicated starting out in life. Thank you doc. and concerned parents! EXTRA INFO: Also, concerned parents, I was very fortunate that the K teacher gave my son errands to run and help her when he completed his assignments; he was allowed to read to the principal, and he would go talk to the school counselor every now and again. For 1st grade, he was able to go talk to his K teacher; he went to other 1st grade teachers and talked to them, and they would give him stickers for having terrific days. I tell you if it wasn't for all their support, I don't know what I would have done about school--I even considered medication and now I'm glad I didn't. (The K teacher even advised me not to do this and told me to give him time to mature over the summer and it worked greatly. That's LOVE and compassion; that's a teacher!) This all just takes time and we have to keep pushing; take it from me."

05/21/2007:

"I am in the same boat as the misbehaving girl haveing an August birthday. My daughter is the youngest. Her teacher says she is too smart in one breath but in the next says she is not mature enough to go to 1st grade. Can anybody relate? Please help!!!!! There are only 19 days of school left, what do I do?"

05/17/2007:

"Thank you for the question and thank you for the answer. My son constantly receives marks because he talks too much and he does not follow instructions. He has been placed on the gifted and talented track because of his test scores but he behavior is getting in the way academically because of not following instructions. Again, thank you."

05/17/2007:

"I agree with Dr. Joseph my son went through this phase and rewards work well. The rewards was given by his teacher and my self. Also some of it was verbal appretiation of his efforts every time I saw him improving or trying his best."

05/17/2007:

"You should make this more widley known. I have a 6 year old in first grade, and is also one of the youngest kids in his class, though he is the biggest. My son's teacher, like many teachers, suggested he had ADD. I told her and his pediatritian (who when I told him what the teacher had said immidiatly pulled out a perscription pad) that it was a load of hoey! How many mothers who don't know any better are medicating their boys?!? My son does his homework fairly well at home, even with the distractions of his younger brother and sister. He is the top of his class when it comes to math, technology and PE. But he is constantly in trouble for blowing bubbles in the bathroom, not being up to speed with the other kids in reading, and the teacher has reacted with putting him alone, in the corner of the classroom, facing away from everyone else. I am enraged and appauled that this is not a basic thing that they teach elementary school teachers. DON'T LET THEM MEDICATE YOUR ! PERFECTLY NORMAL CHILD!!!!!!!!!!"

05/17/2007:

"giving it 'time' is not a great answer. Yes, it can be a stage, but we are asking for suggestions NOW. I am also a mother of a boy who has a hard time sitting and listening. He wants to play vs. work. It is very difficult to hear from the teacher he was misbehaving again. I've taken snacks away, had early bedtimes, we need more help than 'give it time.' That's why we are asking NOW...."

05/17/2007:

"It is good to here someone else is experiencing similar issues. My first grader is making straight A's and misbehaving. Is this an entirely different situation?"

05/17/2007:

"Thank you very much for this information. I have a seven year old son, first grader. His teacher sends me notes on a daily basis and 80% of the notes indicate that he is not following directions. At times I think my son't teacher is a little bit too strict, but I still talk to my son and he tells me he understands how important it is for him to follow directions. We have tried several things, my husband has locked his toys. He brings good notes for a couple of days but goes back to getting bad notes. "

05/15/2007:

"What if your misbehaving child is a girl? Her birthday is in August, so she is one of the youngest in her class."

05/15/2007:

"I am almost in tears of relief. I had this conversation with my son's teacher last night. She had suggested I contact my Pediatrition. He does not get many notes home, he is not violent or mean. He just can't always focus. He is a smart and good child but I don't think he need meds. (the feeling I get from his teacher). He is bringing B'c and C's home. We keep trying new things for both boys (they are twins) but nothing sticks with either boy. I am relieved to see it's not just him or them. Thank you!"